I've had a lot on my mind lately. God's very much at work...his voice shattering through to the very core of my being...challenging me with things that are very hard to do or face, speaking to me in such a way that continues to bring all the pieces closer and closer together. Through Camp Adventure, Workshop, School retreat, Philosophy and Girls Bible, Akouo, Terry...all very much strung together in a way only the Spirit can...growing me...
calling me to dance in his arms, desperate for him, even during the painful times...to have pure joy. To let him shatter through my fear and doubt. To let go and let God, even if there are things or people I'm clutching to and don't want to let go of. Trusting him and him alone, even when I don't understand. Begging him to open my eyes to see the way he sees...to see the world and the broken and the lost through his eyes...compelling me through the overflow of his love...to walk with him into the unknown.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Talk of the Town...
I wrote this yesterday during the last song in response to Terry's lesson. It really spoke to me. And what's interesting is the reason it stood out to me. Abba's been working on my heart lately and the very thing Terry spoke about is that which He's been speaking to me about...through my prayers and through deep discussions with friends.
"I have not been the one beaten, but the bystander...watching and doing nothing. The world is broken and beaten down, in need of love. I know Love and essentially have been content to keep Him to myself. I'm no longer content. But I am weak and frightened, I can't do this on my own. For the longest time I've been praying for self-confidence. No more. My need is Christ-confidence. So pray for me, that I'll embrace the confidence He's been trying to give me. I want the world to say, she did not give up on me. She did not give up on me. Jesus. Did. Not. Give. Up. On. Me."
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~Mother Teresa
"I have not been the one beaten, but the bystander...watching and doing nothing. The world is broken and beaten down, in need of love. I know Love and essentially have been content to keep Him to myself. I'm no longer content. But I am weak and frightened, I can't do this on my own. For the longest time I've been praying for self-confidence. No more. My need is Christ-confidence. So pray for me, that I'll embrace the confidence He's been trying to give me. I want the world to say, she did not give up on me. She did not give up on me. Jesus. Did. Not. Give. Up. On. Me."
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~Mother Teresa
Saturday, February 6, 2010
No Words...
Abba,
I have cried out to you, and you have begun to answer me. It's overwhelming. I can't wrap my mind around it. Tears stream down my face. You are ruining me...don't stop.
Continue to open my eyes, to see through yours. Speak to me and show me who you are!(as you have powerfully begun to do through Zak) Hold me tightly in your unfailing arms and never let me go. Dance with me, Beloved.
God: When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (Women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord.
When you pass through the fire I will be with you,
And the flames they will not overcome you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
Me: When I'm there with You in heaven
What a wondrous joy will be
Gathered with the angel chorus
Standing by the glassy sea
Such a thought is hard to fathom
In the presence of my King
And with countless ones forgiven
Gathered round the throne to sing
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Mortal words cannot express it
All the ways you reign supreme
Even death can't hold the vastness
Nor approach this awesome theme
You are God and to Your glory
We will worship and abide
In Your presence there forever
We'll be happy to reside
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
I have cried out to you, and you have begun to answer me. It's overwhelming. I can't wrap my mind around it. Tears stream down my face. You are ruining me...don't stop.
Continue to open my eyes, to see through yours. Speak to me and show me who you are!(as you have powerfully begun to do through Zak) Hold me tightly in your unfailing arms and never let me go. Dance with me, Beloved.
God: When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (Women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord.
When you pass through the fire I will be with you,
And the flames they will not overcome you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
Me: When I'm there with You in heaven
What a wondrous joy will be
Gathered with the angel chorus
Standing by the glassy sea
Such a thought is hard to fathom
In the presence of my King
And with countless ones forgiven
Gathered round the throne to sing
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Mortal words cannot express it
All the ways you reign supreme
Even death can't hold the vastness
Nor approach this awesome theme
You are God and to Your glory
We will worship and abide
In Your presence there forever
We'll be happy to reside
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Prayer of My Heart
Abba Father,
words elude me. You’re waiting for me to realize your nearness; your arms are open wide and yet I don’t see you. I’ve been blind to your love and beloved closeness to me. YHWE, wake me up! Renew my mind! Speak to my doubts! And give me understanding. Give me the strength of faith and depth of trust to depend solely on you. Show me how much you love me! Reveal yourself in a way that will peel away whatever is covering my spirit eyes and touch my heart in a way I never thought possible. Blow my mind. Offend me! God, speak to me. Jehovah, show me a sign. Great One, enlighten me. Not my will, but thine. “Jesus, I’ve forgotten the words that you have spoken; promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom. Forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again.” Lord, you’re working on my heart, trying to tell me something, I can feel it building. Help me to know your voice and be prepared for what you have to show me; that I’ll be ready and willing to grow. Do an incredible life work in me. Make me the beautiful woman I long to be, the woman I am in your eyes.
words elude me. You’re waiting for me to realize your nearness; your arms are open wide and yet I don’t see you. I’ve been blind to your love and beloved closeness to me. YHWE, wake me up! Renew my mind! Speak to my doubts! And give me understanding. Give me the strength of faith and depth of trust to depend solely on you. Show me how much you love me! Reveal yourself in a way that will peel away whatever is covering my spirit eyes and touch my heart in a way I never thought possible. Blow my mind. Offend me! God, speak to me. Jehovah, show me a sign. Great One, enlighten me. Not my will, but thine. “Jesus, I’ve forgotten the words that you have spoken; promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom. Forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again.” Lord, you’re working on my heart, trying to tell me something, I can feel it building. Help me to know your voice and be prepared for what you have to show me; that I’ll be ready and willing to grow. Do an incredible life work in me. Make me the beautiful woman I long to be, the woman I am in your eyes.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
school
school started today! I'm taking: college algebra, anatomy/phisiology, modern history, Girls Bible, Spanish 3, English, philosophy, and I'm a part time teachers aide. Senior! anyway, it's late, have homework, but wanted to say pray for this year. kinda stressfull. Pray that God will use me to accomplish his will, that i might trust in Him and surrender my life, and that I might recieve energy, strength, and tenacity.
Love u guys!
Love u guys!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Ian Funny
Ian Hughes came over to our house yesterday. It was fun. There's one specific moment that stood out to me, however. He and hunter had been hanging out upstairs for awhile when Ian came down. He was a man on a mission.
Ian: "Mrs. Yeats, do think i could come back home with you after vbs and spend the night with Hunter?"
Mom: "Well, I don't think so. We have a lot to do tomorrow, but maybe some other time. What did Hunter say?"
Ian: "He said you'd say yes or no."
=D
Ah, that was a bright spot in my day. You gotta love him.
Ian: "Mrs. Yeats, do think i could come back home with you after vbs and spend the night with Hunter?"
Mom: "Well, I don't think so. We have a lot to do tomorrow, but maybe some other time. What did Hunter say?"
Ian: "He said you'd say yes or no."
=D
Ah, that was a bright spot in my day. You gotta love him.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bobby and Melissa
Hey God. I don’t even know where to begin. This week you’ve been so obviously at work in me…it’s been a great experience, but hard. Camp Barnabas was amazing (we’ll talk more about that later…when I’m more in the mood to look back on it all). You’ve been breaking me down to say the least and preparing me for something great. A huge crescendo into something better than I could never begin to imagine. But that’s the problem. I can’t imagine it. I’m so blind. I can’t see through your eyes into the big picture as easily as I’d like. They left today, officially. I’m scared and heartbroken. I want to trust in you and give you all my fears and insecurities but it’s so hard. I find my heart warring against all you’ve taught me. Yea, I want to see the big picture and trust that you know what you’re doing, but at the same time… I find I’m having trouble letting go of the past and my selfish ambitions. I don’t want to let go of bobby. He’s like the older brother I never had. He’s my family, my listener, my youth minister, my encourager, and above all my friend. I don’t want to let go of Melissa. She’s been a second mom to me. She has a spiritual strength and peace about her that draws me into what she has in you. Through them you have given me so many things, such as a passion I never thought I’d have. I’ve been blessed beyond numerical recognition.
I don’t know what to do. I’m dazed and numb as if this were all just a bad dream. Please, help me to trust in you and your wisdom, which is foolishness to man. Give me your eyes so I can see, or at least be at peace with, the things you’re doing in this group. I know you have a plan…to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11) but right now it doesn’t feel like it. My heart is breaking. My tears are flowing freely. And it makes me wonder how anything good could come out of this (Though I firmly believe otherwise). I’m scared. Not only do I hurt with a strange emptiness, but the unknown of what will happen now and who might step in the now empty roll of Youth Minister frightens me. Guide me oh my rock, my shelter. Comfort me oh my Prince of Peace. Help me step up and provide the same for my fellow brothers and sisters. Help me to see that Bobby, though my friend, is not mine to hold on to. He is yours, to do with as you will. Give me a peace that passes all understanding and your incomprehensible wisdom, that I might let go of what I’ve held so dear to my heart.
I don’t know what to do. I’m dazed and numb as if this were all just a bad dream. Please, help me to trust in you and your wisdom, which is foolishness to man. Give me your eyes so I can see, or at least be at peace with, the things you’re doing in this group. I know you have a plan…to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11) but right now it doesn’t feel like it. My heart is breaking. My tears are flowing freely. And it makes me wonder how anything good could come out of this (Though I firmly believe otherwise). I’m scared. Not only do I hurt with a strange emptiness, but the unknown of what will happen now and who might step in the now empty roll of Youth Minister frightens me. Guide me oh my rock, my shelter. Comfort me oh my Prince of Peace. Help me step up and provide the same for my fellow brothers and sisters. Help me to see that Bobby, though my friend, is not mine to hold on to. He is yours, to do with as you will. Give me a peace that passes all understanding and your incomprehensible wisdom, that I might let go of what I’ve held so dear to my heart.
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