Bobby and Melissa

Hey God. I don’t even know where to begin. This week you’ve been so obviously at work in me…it’s been a great experience, but hard. Camp Barnabas was amazing (we’ll talk more about that later…when I’m more in the mood to look back on it all). You’ve been breaking me down to say the least and preparing me for something great. A huge crescendo into something better than I could never begin to imagine. But that’s the problem. I can’t imagine it. I’m so blind. I can’t see through your eyes into the big picture as easily as I’d like. They left today, officially. I’m scared and heartbroken. I want to trust in you and give you all my fears and insecurities but it’s so hard. I find my heart warring against all you’ve taught me. Yea, I want to see the big picture and trust that you know what you’re doing, but at the same time… I find I’m having trouble letting go of the past and my selfish ambitions. I don’t want to let go of bobby. He’s like the older brother I never had. He’s my family, my listener, my youth minister, my encourager, and above all my friend. I don’t want to let go of Melissa. She’s been a second mom to me. She has a spiritual strength and peace about her that draws me into what she has in you. Through them you have given me so many things, such as a passion I never thought I’d have. I’ve been blessed beyond numerical recognition.
I don’t know what to do. I’m dazed and numb as if this were all just a bad dream. Please, help me to trust in you and your wisdom, which is foolishness to man. Give me your eyes so I can see, or at least be at peace with, the things you’re doing in this group. I know you have a plan…to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11) but right now it doesn’t feel like it. My heart is breaking. My tears are flowing freely. And it makes me wonder how anything good could come out of this (Though I firmly believe otherwise). I’m scared. Not only do I hurt with a strange emptiness, but the unknown of what will happen now and who might step in the now empty roll of Youth Minister frightens me. Guide me oh my rock, my shelter. Comfort me oh my Prince of Peace. Help me step up and provide the same for my fellow brothers and sisters. Help me to see that Bobby, though my friend, is not mine to hold on to. He is yours, to do with as you will. Give me a peace that passes all understanding and your incomprehensible wisdom, that I might let go of what I’ve held so dear to my heart.