hey, guess what? i have a blog! lol sorry, life's just been so crazy...
but i'm gonna do my best to keep you updated on aim life via my blog. so...spread the word! =)
anyway:
there are so many ppl i haven't gotten to talk to in awhile that i'm dying to but i just haven't had any time. sadness. but it's just been crazy, esp. this past week. had our first ed wharton test wednessday...ask daniel =p or any other past aimer for that matter lol. his tests are infamous...as is his teaching lol (spen four hours studying for that thing =p ) anyway, but besides the past two nights...my first free evenings with no hw all week long...or longer...i've been up til about 1 and getting up at 6:30 or 7...it's been exausting and sometimes emotionally draining too...cuz there's no down time...or quiet time, for God, for that matter either. and with all our trips on the weekends (we're going to clovis NM today) it's just crazy lol...kinda hard to juggle everything, to find a balance: btwn study, socialize, sleep, quiet time, down time...so prayers for that balance would be greatly appreciated =P
BUT . . . i love it =)most of the classes...and the relationships, are just amazing. i love it.and all that i just shared is only a taste...it barely touches on everything...and most of it was negative lol...i didn't even begin sharing the blessings and love and friendships and amazing experiences; the God filled environment i'm experiencing here (in just two short weeks) even among the pain and frustration. it's amazing, and i can't wait for God to break me...to grow me...and to bless me and shower me with his love. God has prepared me for this place, this is where i need to be, and i'm ready.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Last Day of the Last Year
I walk through the halls alone, empty inside.
It’s as if I’m not even here anymore, distantly surveying what once was.
An empty void aching deep within me is my only existence.
Silence surrounds me, threatening to tear me apart.
I want to scream but only silent tears escape me.
My heart breaks as I reach the locker I once counted as my own.
It belongs to someone else now.
As I sit in this desk, I see myself fading from its existence
This is the last time.
Familiar faces flash before me.
Teachers…no. Friends. Classmates…again, no. Family.
The deepest hurt is leaving my family behind.
Hugging my sisters, knowing this is the last time we’ll probably ever all be together.
Leaving a home.
Twelve years of love over in the blink of an eye.
The bell rings, signaling the end.
So many have gone before me
And now it’s my turn to say goodbye
It’s as if I’m not even here anymore, distantly surveying what once was.
An empty void aching deep within me is my only existence.
Silence surrounds me, threatening to tear me apart.
I want to scream but only silent tears escape me.
My heart breaks as I reach the locker I once counted as my own.
It belongs to someone else now.
As I sit in this desk, I see myself fading from its existence
This is the last time.
Familiar faces flash before me.
Teachers…no. Friends. Classmates…again, no. Family.
The deepest hurt is leaving my family behind.
Hugging my sisters, knowing this is the last time we’ll probably ever all be together.
Leaving a home.
Twelve years of love over in the blink of an eye.
The bell rings, signaling the end.
So many have gone before me
And now it’s my turn to say goodbye
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Desperate Walk
I've had a lot on my mind lately. God's very much at work...his voice shattering through to the very core of my being...challenging me with things that are very hard to do or face, speaking to me in such a way that continues to bring all the pieces closer and closer together. Through Camp Adventure, Workshop, School retreat, Philosophy and Girls Bible, Akouo, Terry...all very much strung together in a way only the Spirit can...growing me...
calling me to dance in his arms, desperate for him, even during the painful times...to have pure joy. To let him shatter through my fear and doubt. To let go and let God, even if there are things or people I'm clutching to and don't want to let go of. Trusting him and him alone, even when I don't understand. Begging him to open my eyes to see the way he sees...to see the world and the broken and the lost through his eyes...compelling me through the overflow of his love...to walk with him into the unknown.
calling me to dance in his arms, desperate for him, even during the painful times...to have pure joy. To let him shatter through my fear and doubt. To let go and let God, even if there are things or people I'm clutching to and don't want to let go of. Trusting him and him alone, even when I don't understand. Begging him to open my eyes to see the way he sees...to see the world and the broken and the lost through his eyes...compelling me through the overflow of his love...to walk with him into the unknown.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Talk of the Town...
I wrote this yesterday during the last song in response to Terry's lesson. It really spoke to me. And what's interesting is the reason it stood out to me. Abba's been working on my heart lately and the very thing Terry spoke about is that which He's been speaking to me about...through my prayers and through deep discussions with friends.
"I have not been the one beaten, but the bystander...watching and doing nothing. The world is broken and beaten down, in need of love. I know Love and essentially have been content to keep Him to myself. I'm no longer content. But I am weak and frightened, I can't do this on my own. For the longest time I've been praying for self-confidence. No more. My need is Christ-confidence. So pray for me, that I'll embrace the confidence He's been trying to give me. I want the world to say, she did not give up on me. She did not give up on me. Jesus. Did. Not. Give. Up. On. Me."
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~Mother Teresa
"I have not been the one beaten, but the bystander...watching and doing nothing. The world is broken and beaten down, in need of love. I know Love and essentially have been content to keep Him to myself. I'm no longer content. But I am weak and frightened, I can't do this on my own. For the longest time I've been praying for self-confidence. No more. My need is Christ-confidence. So pray for me, that I'll embrace the confidence He's been trying to give me. I want the world to say, she did not give up on me. She did not give up on me. Jesus. Did. Not. Give. Up. On. Me."
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~Mother Teresa
Saturday, February 6, 2010
No Words...
Abba,
I have cried out to you, and you have begun to answer me. It's overwhelming. I can't wrap my mind around it. Tears stream down my face. You are ruining me...don't stop.
Continue to open my eyes, to see through yours. Speak to me and show me who you are!(as you have powerfully begun to do through Zak) Hold me tightly in your unfailing arms and never let me go. Dance with me, Beloved.
God: When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (Women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord.
When you pass through the fire I will be with you,
And the flames they will not overcome you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
Me: When I'm there with You in heaven
What a wondrous joy will be
Gathered with the angel chorus
Standing by the glassy sea
Such a thought is hard to fathom
In the presence of my King
And with countless ones forgiven
Gathered round the throne to sing
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Mortal words cannot express it
All the ways you reign supreme
Even death can't hold the vastness
Nor approach this awesome theme
You are God and to Your glory
We will worship and abide
In Your presence there forever
We'll be happy to reside
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
I have cried out to you, and you have begun to answer me. It's overwhelming. I can't wrap my mind around it. Tears stream down my face. You are ruining me...don't stop.
Continue to open my eyes, to see through yours. Speak to me and show me who you are!(as you have powerfully begun to do through Zak) Hold me tightly in your unfailing arms and never let me go. Dance with me, Beloved.
God: When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
(Chorus)
For I am the Lord Your God.
For I am the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I am the Lord. (Women: Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord. (Do not fear.)
I am the Lord.
When you pass through the fire I will be with you,
And the flames they will not overcome you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
Me: When I'm there with You in heaven
What a wondrous joy will be
Gathered with the angel chorus
Standing by the glassy sea
Such a thought is hard to fathom
In the presence of my King
And with countless ones forgiven
Gathered round the throne to sing
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Mortal words cannot express it
All the ways you reign supreme
Even death can't hold the vastness
Nor approach this awesome theme
You are God and to Your glory
We will worship and abide
In Your presence there forever
We'll be happy to reside
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Glory and honor, worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Worthy is the lamb
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Prayer of My Heart
Abba Father,
words elude me. You’re waiting for me to realize your nearness; your arms are open wide and yet I don’t see you. I’ve been blind to your love and beloved closeness to me. YHWE, wake me up! Renew my mind! Speak to my doubts! And give me understanding. Give me the strength of faith and depth of trust to depend solely on you. Show me how much you love me! Reveal yourself in a way that will peel away whatever is covering my spirit eyes and touch my heart in a way I never thought possible. Blow my mind. Offend me! God, speak to me. Jehovah, show me a sign. Great One, enlighten me. Not my will, but thine. “Jesus, I’ve forgotten the words that you have spoken; promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom. Forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again.” Lord, you’re working on my heart, trying to tell me something, I can feel it building. Help me to know your voice and be prepared for what you have to show me; that I’ll be ready and willing to grow. Do an incredible life work in me. Make me the beautiful woman I long to be, the woman I am in your eyes.
words elude me. You’re waiting for me to realize your nearness; your arms are open wide and yet I don’t see you. I’ve been blind to your love and beloved closeness to me. YHWE, wake me up! Renew my mind! Speak to my doubts! And give me understanding. Give me the strength of faith and depth of trust to depend solely on you. Show me how much you love me! Reveal yourself in a way that will peel away whatever is covering my spirit eyes and touch my heart in a way I never thought possible. Blow my mind. Offend me! God, speak to me. Jehovah, show me a sign. Great One, enlighten me. Not my will, but thine. “Jesus, I’ve forgotten the words that you have spoken; promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim. With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom. Forgive me for my unbelief, renew the fire again.” Lord, you’re working on my heart, trying to tell me something, I can feel it building. Help me to know your voice and be prepared for what you have to show me; that I’ll be ready and willing to grow. Do an incredible life work in me. Make me the beautiful woman I long to be, the woman I am in your eyes.
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